"The line between transformation and imposition is narrow, and we have already begun to cross it when we think that we have what someone else needs." (p. 115)
To me, this quote is a valuable reminder. It believe it is true of every helping profession that we are more successful when we take ourselves out of the way of the process. By that I mean we do not act out of the need for having purpose and being needed, but rather because it is what needs to be done. There is space for being satisfied with one's own work, and for recognizing that one has played a part in something beautiful (like the transforming of a conflict). However, I find it is actually more fulfilling simply to offer oneself in service to such a process, and simply be witness to how beautiful and magical the process itself is. I find that I can be tremendously appreciative simply to have been able to be a part of it.
This quote reminds me of another one, which I believe is in this same book, about how mediators need to be willing to work very hard but not take credit for the good things that have come out of the process, since it is the parties involved that really own the process. I acknowledge how difficult it is to do this, and I also acknowledge that it is my deepest calling. To live true to intention and service and take risks to those ends, and remain unattached to the outcome.
"...transformation begins with a deep awareness of the uniqueness and intrinsic value of each human being. If people are truly unique, they are and always will be something of a mystery to others." (p. 115-116).
I think the second conclusion of this quote is vital to doing effective work in the helping professions as well. Seeing others as a mystery allows us to see them as they deeply see themselves, to have empathy for them, humility with them, and curiosity instead of surety to join them in their process of self-discovery. One of my struggles comes from trying to integrate this truth with the truth of observations I make about people which do seems to lock them into some kind of conceptual pattern in my head, which serve the purpose of guiding my work with them and feedback for them when I do not feel an intuitive impulse of what they are needing. They can be indicators, guides, and keys to unopened doors--these conceptual "sureties" I create around people in my own mind.
"...people are usually more sensitive about how a decision is reached than they are about what the decision is." (p. 109)
Utilitarianism wasn't bound to last in a reality that is intrinsically interdependent.
"For most peace-builders, our own limits as less-than-transformed human beings prove to be a greater obstacle than our lack of technical skills." (p. 116)
And this is why I am at Naropa! This is another good reminder, because when I am in touch with the alr=truistic motives of my inclination for self-growth, it is impossible to see as simply a selfish search for stimulation, but rather the impulse to unveil more of the gift I have to give. It also reminds me that there are times when we experience self-doubt, saying I have not done enough work on myself to be worthwhile in service in the way I am being called, which is bullshit. Sometimes we have to throw ourselves into the fire of doing it to remember how deep our resources are, and that our gift is needed, just the way it is.
Hey Daniel! Thanks for your thoughts! I like the quotes that you choose and decided to respond to some of them myself:
ReplyDelete"The line between transformation and imposition is narrow, and we have already begun to cross it when we think that we have what someone else needs." (p. 115)
This quote actually reminded me of social action where the 'helping party' has a clear advantage over the 'being helped party'. For example- rich people/countries helping poor people /countries or white people helping people of color. i always try to figure out what is the best way to be engaged when there is a clear imbalance of power. My best thinking so far is that the disadvantaged need to be the leaders of the process and the ones who are more privileged need to be the followers/supporters. like you, I also feel this is a good reminder not to assume what I think people need and want but to remain open and curios to find out. It takes courage to follow other people's mind, especially when they seem to be 'needing help'.
"For most peace-builders, our own limits as less-than-transformed
human beings prove to be a greater obstacle than our lack of technical skills." (p. 116)
So true! And that is why I am in Co counseling! I feel that this process of counseling, learning about all the ways I have been affected by oppression, healing from it and watching others heal has been the most profound transformation I have gone through in the last two years. This process actually allows me to to understand better what is happening in the world and in myself and to be able to engage in a more creative, rational and open way. It has absolutely shaped my ability to listen to people and be with them through their difficulties in a far more affective manner.